Why: A Plea for Change

Hello World!

I’m excited to share with you the story behind my song “Why”! This song is all about asking the hardest question in life, “Why?” I asked myself this question for a very long time, never really feeling like I had the answer. All I knew was that I was suffering and I didn’t want to. So I kept asking, “Why?”. And what was I supposed to do about it? 

I wanted this piece to feel highly relatable by getting real with what struggles with mental health look like. I didn’t make up the struggles in this song. They are the experiences of both myself and those around me. So when I ask the question, “Why?”, I’m asking myself, I’m asking my loved ones, and I’m asking you too. I want you to take this question very seriously. This song isn’t simply for entertainment; it’s a plea that you will ask yourself the question, “Why?” and do something about it.

So let’s get real. Maybe you’ve had the same experiences that I call out in this song, or maybe you’ve had similar experiences. Either way, please ask yourself, “Why?”. One day, I said something which angered my partner at that time. It was completely unintentional, but it sent her down an emotional spiral. We didn’t speak for days until she showed up at my doorstep in anger. She was ready to end our relationship. She had spent days in frustration and hurt from the experience, and all it took was sitting down and actually talking about what happened for peace to be had. I apologized for hurting her, and we forgave each other. So, that anger, “tell me, really, what was that good for?”

I don’t know about you, but both myself and a number of my partners have struggled with depression. I was literally sitting on the floor, feeling stuck, when I was inspired to write this song. I sit in a lot of weird places, but the floor is definitely one of those places I will get stuck in if I am depressed. And I don’t get anything done when I’m sitting on the floor! At best I’ll be doom scrolling or attempting to watch a video on YouTube or play a stupid phone game. But I get so angry with myself for wasting all of that time. Thanks a lot, anxiety! And I knew sitting there on the floor was no good. And maybe you get stuck and do something like that too. But, seriously, “tell me, really, what was that good for?” 

Then it hits. All of that frustration comes out in the questions asked next. “Why? Why are you hurting? What are you afraid of?” The answer is obvious. It’s because someone or some institution did something that hurt me, and I’m afraid of losing something or someone because of that. I’m anxious about it. Ok, so then, “Why? Anxiety surging. What is so painful?” It’s so painful because I don’t think I can do anything about it. I feel like I was treated with disrespect. I feel it’s unfair. But the story doesn’t end there. No one can do anything about what someone or some institution does to you. All we can do is control our own actions. 

So that means to me that if I’m miserable, I’m probably ignoring something I need for my own peace. So, “Why? You’re clearly ignoring your needs as a mammal”. Yeah, I have ignored a lot of my needs. Exercise, good sleep, eating healthy, protecting my peace, having peace to begin with. I’ve ignored so many of my needs. “Why? You need some reforming, your body is flammable.” I guess that’s true. Something’s gotta change.

When I realized I can’t even trust my own mind to tell me the truth because it literally amplifies negative signals and suppresses positive signals, I knew what I had to do. Stop listening to the first thing that comes to my mind. Slow down a little bit. Take a moment to examine the scenario. Choose wisely the path to follow. Try it out for a little bit. See how it’s working out. Did I make any progress? Yeah, I did. Alright, that’s not so bad. So keep going, this is the way.

So it comes down to this - let go of that anxiety, start living your life exactly the way you were meant to. Accept the truth and stop assuming things. And as a Christian, this is exactly what God wants me to do as well, because it’s the truth that sets us free and it’s thoughtfulness and questioning your beliefs that is prudent (John 8:32, Prov 14:15).

So you tell me, why are you holding yourself back? I’ll tell you this - I refuse to let myself do that ever again. And yeah, I’m always going to fail from time to time. But no more will I let that control me. Why would I? Why? I’d love to hear your stories about how you wrestle with those deep questions. How have you conquered or coped with mental illnesses? Are you still feeling stuck? I want to help. Let’s get the conversation going.

In love & unity,

Asabaal